Thank god it's over. Well, I did enjoy it. Some of it. I wroted thirty-six one liners and 10 sketches. None were good enough to make Newsjack. Good enough. Is that the right phrase. Perhaps. But perhaps they were good but not right for Newsjack?
I listened to sketches, read sketches and listened to all the advice on the website. But it wasn't enough although it got me closer than without it. I'm sure the boundaries also helped - recent news, suitable for a BBC audience etc. Yet, I didn't hit the target. They got a 1000 submissions per week. A feel a bit better although I know that most of those were not that good. How do I know? Well, that's what you hear from people who read submissions. Anyway, good is not good enough. The submissions need to be excellent to stand out. Writers are everywhere.
Anyway, here's a few unsuccessful one liners, all with a science theme:
- Scientists have discovered that venom from a sea snail could provide long term pain relief. Perfect for when you’re standing by a group of people out for lunch together, all paying separately by card.
- Astrophysicists have discovered evidence that the universe could turn out to be a vast and complex hologram. Finally, some good news.
- Scientists have created a facial recognition system to track illusive lemurs. Sales of kids’ Groucho-style glasses and moustache disguises have trebled in sales.
- 60% of occupations could have significant parts automated in the next few years. Soon, your post will be delivered by R2D2.
- Scientists in Canada have found a way of growing human tissue on apples. In the future, you’ll be able to replace your failing organs with two granny smiths and a pink lady.
Novel news. I'm a third of the way through the hand-edited, second draft of The Proving. I'm inputting the changes as I go along - I'm currently about 60 pages behind the physical edits. Nothing has changed in terms of plot but characters have become clearer in their behaviour. Now that I know the killer I can make some changes to their behaviour. I've also made Warren less sarcastic. It didn't seem to work for him. Rebus does it too well anyway. I'm reading all the Sherlock Holmes novels, so there is likely to be some influence from there as I progress.
I bumped into a writing colleague today who has finished his first novel. At least to the point he can't see any further changes to make. He's sent it to The Literary Consultancy for review. I'll need to investigate. Another friend finished his novel at our writing weekend in Monmouthshire. We wrote for two full days and cooked in the evening.
Today, I was on the radio. Everything comes full circle. I was on the final part of the breakfast show of Freeze Peach Radio. It was great fun. Daniel and Sophie are great and should be snapped up by the BBC asap. I talked a lot of baloney about cloning and AI.